A Drop in the Ocean
by ten81CSI
Summary: Loving someone is hard. You have to be able to let them go. Kydam oneshot. *CANON CHARACTER DEATH* Mac and and Sid help Kylie the best they can. Adam's POV


**A/N: This muse came to me after I read Chrysalis Escapist's story, 'Watching.' It's told in Adam's POV right before, and after he is a ghost. I know, I killed him, I'm sorry. But its just a oneshot. Besides angst is always good. **

**Disclaimer: They're all mine. SIKE. The song is a drop in the ocean, by Ron Pope. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I woke up this morning, not knowing it would be my last. I woke up this morning, excited that my wife was sick. She was pregnant, I knew. I could tell because she'd resorted to eating beef jerky the last three days. She did that when she was pregnant with Teagan. I wouldn't know, but I'm sure she did it with Kaiden as well. I had talked her in to calling in sick. She could barely stand, she felt so light headed. And she had taken my advice once she called her doctor for an appointment later in the afternoon. She kissed me, and told me she loved me before I left to cover her shift.

If I had known that would have been the last time she kissed me, I'd of kissed her just a bit longer. I would have smelled her just a bit longer. I'd of made love to her once more. If I knew it was the last time I would hear her giggle, I would have tickled her one last time.

I'm thinking about this, as I look at the man in front of me. His eyes are dark, filled with anger, violence. He's going to shoot me, and there is nothing I can do. I don'thave a gun to retaliate.

"Flack!" I screamed. He's down the hall with Danny I think. That's all I can muster up, because the next thing I know, I'm on the floor. I can feel the blood poor from me, but strangely I don't feel the bullet in me. I'm shaking now, but I don't feel cold. Flack stands next to me, presses down on my wound.

"Adam, you're gonna be okay. Hang in there. Hang in there for Kaiden and Teagan and Kylie," he says. I try to nod my head but it's like dead weight. I'm already gone.

"Kylie," I whisper. "The baby." I start to twitch. Maybe that's what dead people do, as they start to leave their bodies. "Tell her....It didn't hurt."

Flack turns towards Danny, and yells for him to get an ambulance. But an ambulance won't help me. I can already see my mom. She's asking me to come to her.

"Adam," Flack yells when I close my eyes."Adam!" I can feel a tear drop fall onto my cheek, I'm not sure whose it is. Mine? Danny's? Flack's?

**~Kydam~Kydam~Kydam~**

_A drop in the ocean, _

_A change in the weather,_

_I was praying that you and me might be together _

_Its' like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,_

_But I'm holding you closer than most,_

_'Cause you are my heaven._

She stood in Sid's morgue, something she had done thousands of times before. But this time, she was identifying my body. I was just a lab tech; I shouldn't have been in the field. She had called in sick that morning because she wasn't feeling well. She found out that afternoon that she was pregnant with our third child, and I wouldn't ever be able to meet him. Because she called in sick, Mac had me work the field today. And because I didn't have a gun, I couldn't defend myself when the murder came from his hiding space in one of the closets. I couldn't protect my self, therefore I had to die.

Sid gently pulled the sheet back, and I watched as Kylie let out a gasp when she saw my face. She stepped away from the body, and tried not to collapse at the sight before her.

"It's my fault," she whispered. "If I'd have gone to work, he wouldn't have been shot. I knew I should have helped him get a gun." She shook her head, and took a step forward to run her hand in the corpse's hair. "He needs a haircut," she whispered. She pulled the hand out from the sheet, and slowly took my bracelets off. And when she went to take the silver wedding band from the hand she broke out in tears.

"I've got it," Sid assured Kylie. "I'll give you everything when I'm done."

"I can't," Kylie cried. "Kaiden, Teagan." She was right. She didn't know how she was going to tell them I wouldn't be around anymore. Kaiden wasn't my biological son, but he would be just as devastated. Teagan wouldn't understand. She was only four.

Sid walked to the other side of the autopsy table, and wrapped his arms around Kylie.

"You'll be okay," he told her,

She buried her head in his chest, and continued to cry. He was right. She'd be okay, but she wouldn't be okay for a long, long time. I was the first guy that had ever made her feel amazing, and I was gone.

_I don't wanna waste the weekend, _

_If you don't love me, pretend_

_A few more hours, then it's time to go._

_As my train rolls down the East Cost, _

_I wonder how you'll keep warm._

_It's too late to cry, too broken to move on._

**~Kydam~Kydam~Kydam~**

_And still I can't let you be,_

_Most nights I hardly sleep._

_Don't take what you don't need from me._

Every time I see her, she's crying, or trying not to cry. Now's not any different. I thank God that Sid is there, and it's almost as if he knows I want him to hold her for me. He gently wraps her in his arms, and tries to hold back his own tears. He tries to comfort her, and I watch with a broken heart, unable to help my wife get over my death. She's right. It should have been her. But God didn't want it to be her, for the sake of the baby she is carrying. It's another boy, I know, but that's because I can sense it now that I'm…I'm a _ghost_.

It's hard to say that word. As a scientist, I never believed in Heaven. But here I am, proving Kylie that she was right. There is life for us after we've lived on Earth. Of course, she's right. She's always right.

It's so hard to watch her crumble over me. I've always seen her as someone so bubbly, and warm. It's hard to see that I've cause the pain she's in now, that because I'm no longer here she has to suffer. I can feel the grief she's feeling, as if it's coming out of her body, and landing onto…my _ghost_ form.

I want to tell her it will be okay, I want to touch her face, to kiss her like I always do when she's sad. But I can't. I try to touch her, but I'm sure she doesn't feel it when I run my hand through her hair like she just did to me. I want to tell her that I'm still here, that even though I never believed in God, God believed in me.

"Kylie," I say desperately. She looks up from Sid's chest, and glances at my body. Did she just hear me?

"Sid," Kylie manages to say, as she sniffles. She wipes her tears away with the back of her hand.

"I'll be with him the whole time," Sid promises.

Kylie nods her head and manages to shuffle her feet out of the morgue. She presses her knuckles down on the up button to the elevator, and waits as the elevator opens up. It's just her on the elevator, and she takes that time to compose her self. She's about to endure many hugs and condolences. More than I know she'll be able to handle.

The door to the elevator dings, and she steps out, feeling alone. But she's not alone. I'm next to her the whole time as she walks past the whispering lab techs. She can her them talking about her, but she ignores them. She slowly opens up the door to the DNA lab. My lab.

She takes a deep breath, and walks towards the table in the middle of the room. She gently runs her finger along the side of it, and I do the same. I think she feels me, because she lets out a deep breath, and closes her eyes. "I miss you already," she whispers.

"I know," I say, even though she can't hear me. I can feel the pain she's in. It hurts so bad to watch her as she slowly walks through the lab. Lindsay notices her right away. She debates going to talk to Kylie, or to just walk away, let her be. But she chooses the former, and heads toward my wife.

Kylie sees her coming, and blinks back the tears she was about to let escape. Something I always loved about her was the fact she never let people see her in a state of vulnerability. I rarely saw her cry, and when she did, it was because she felt Kaiden or Teagan or myself were in danger.

"Hey," says Lindsay. She places her hand on Kylie's shoulder, who gently shrugs away from her best friend's touch.

"I'm fine," Kylie replies.

Lindsay gently nods her head, but doesn't leave.

"I'm here for you."

"I don't need you," Kylie mumbled.

_It's just a drop in the ocean, _

_A change in the weather,_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together._

_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but I'm holding you closer than most,_

_'Cause you are my heaven._

**~Kydam~Kydam~Kydam~**

_Misplaces trust and old friends, _

_Never counting regrets,_

_By the grace of God, I do not rest at all. _

_New England as the leaves change;_

_The last excuse that I'll claim,_

_I was a boy who love a woman like a little girl._

She walks desperately out of the lab. She just wants to be alone. She wants to cry without anyone seeing her. She wants to be invisible.

She passes Mac's office, and ignores him when he waves for her to come in. She heads past the break room, and she finds an empty supply closet.

She locks the door, and glances around her. Empty DNA and blood vials surround her. Different equipment is stacked on shelves all around her. A single light bulb in the center of the tiny room flickers on an off, an action made by me. I'm trying to tell her I'm still here. I need her to know I'm still with her.

She turns in a circle, and glances at some glass vials. With one swift maneuver, she swings her arms, and like her heart has, the glass shatters around her. "I hate you!" she screams. She kicks another shelf, and punches the wall, before she finally begins to cry.

I think ghosts can cry. Because my vision is blurred with water right now. I did this to her. I caused her this pain. I hold my hand out, and see my fingertips. I look so real, but when I hug her, I go right through her.

Mac had watched her go into the supply closet, and he listened to her screaming at my ghost figure. He unlocked the door with his key, and was greeted by Kylie sitting in the shattered glass. She didn't feel the glass cutting into her legs, she didn't care about the blood. And neither did Mac.

He sat down beside her, pulled her head into his chest, and they cried together. But he didn't cry for me. He cried for Kylie. He knew what was lying ahead of her. A long road of pure hell. He cried for Claire, but he mourned for me.

_And still I can't let you be,  
Most nights I hardly sleep,  
Don't take what you don't need from me._

It´s just s drop in the ocean,  
A change in the weather,  
I was praying that you and me might end up together.  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,  
But I'm holding you closer than most,  
'Cause you are my

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no.  
Heaven doesn't seem far away.  
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no.  
Heaven doesn't seem far away.

A drop in the ocean,  
A change in the weather,  
I was praying that you and me might end up together.  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,  
But I'm holding you closer than most,  
'Cause you are my heaven.  
You are my heaven


End file.
